Friday, May 6, 2011

End of the Semester. I made it

Wow, its an amazing feeling knowing I made it through my first semester. Granted, I did want to rip my hair out and I still do. I have One last final exam this week.
It has not been easy. I also find I am very hard on myself, like im not doing enough to satisfy myself. There isn't much I can do about it, im  just so tired all of the time. I am doing what I need to do.
Since I may not be able to work after I start clinicals I decided to try my hand at selling Avon.
I will see how that goes and I hope I can make enough.

I get my Grades next week!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Things are looking up.. so far.

I had my Math class last night and we got back our Mid term exam, I got a B!
Oh my goodness am I excited! Granted I could have done better if I understood one part of it, I do need to figure that out but I will take that grade. I have done really well on all the home work assignments getting almost a perfect score on all..
My teacher gave us a take home quiz there is like 50 math problems we need to do, all involving fractions. And a few word problems ( I hate those). On top of our Homework assignment that is due after spring break. (no classes next week) SO much for a break. I also have to study for my Psychology exam That we have after Break. I need to do well on this, after failing the first and getting a B on the second ( i get my grade today for the third one, fingers crossed!!) Im so nervous! I need to get at least a C in this class and a B in Math!

Im already so tired but I have to study like 12 hours per class.. which is hard.
Still going through the ropes with Financial aid. I mailed in some paperwork on Tuesday, my moms tax forms and stupid stuff like that. I did not want to involve her not to mention how long it took for her to get those forms to me. I have kids I should not need her information, but after fighting I guess Im just caving in. They need her stuff, so here it goes. I hope I find out soon what will happen for this semester and next semester. I want to get this done, I do not want to take a semester off.

Well I have to get to class.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tomorrow is my Birthday

On a happier note ( I guess) haha

March 13th is my "official" 21st Birthday.
If you would have asked me when I was 16, Where would I be at 21?.. hmm
I would most likely say Not in school. I hated school when I was 16, actually I kind of stopped going to school around then.

I dropped out around 16-17 Cant remember really. I was a loner, not sure if I really chose that though. Looking back now, I could see why people talked about me and started rumors. I was a mystery! I rarely spoke up or raised my hand, Did not have many friends. I was bullied, so very much. Seeing all these News stories about kids killing them self over bullies really breaks my heart now.
I was very sad, I was severely depressed but I had no idea why. That was just who I was for as long as I can remember. My memories start around 7 or 8 beyond that I get nothing, believe me I try. I hated Birthday parties, family gatherings, everything. If you asked my mother where I would be at my birthday she would answer "In her bedroom"!

There was definitely something up with me, I still do not know what.
I try to put that behind me, but hey I still am that person.

Well Here is to NOT spending my Birthday locked in my room!
Yum. Kahlua "Cappuccino Cocktail".

So very busy no time to post.

It has been a couple weeks I know. I have neglected myself. But I have been studying so hard. I got a B+ on my last Psychology exam and I should find out the score of the one I took Thursday this week. Math is also going pretty well. Things were a bit rocky at first, but school is going better.

I am so tired all of the time, and I can tell its not normal exhaustion. I have been tired, and this is different maybe I am just being paranoid but I do not like setting myself up. SO Until I know for sure I will believe something is wrong NOBODY can be this tired. And it started before I went back to school and before I had kids, its just getting worse as the days, weeks, and months go on. I have my good days, but even then I'm to tired to do simple things. Maybe its just Chronic fatigue in that case I hope there is something the Doctors can do. Could be anything really. I just know something is not right. No matter how much sleep on my good days 4 hours of sleep is OK and I can partly function, or some days 4, 6, 8, 10, 14 hours whatever Just does not matter at all. I am a Zombie. I was thinking maybe its just sleep deprivation.. now that's doubtful. But I am managing some how to get by day by day. I have to study like 20 hours a week for my classes for anything to actually stick however. Which is not easy having two children.

What do I do in this case, I need to go to school, I need to work but most of all I need to be with my children. I am doing this all for my children, so its all just jumbled. Time to find a Doctor, I need to get this under control.
Thanks for listening

I am going to try to post more, I feel better after I write. 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Psych 101

My Psychology class is getting more in depth now. I find myself getting lost in my head half the time. When I am writing notes I notice I jumble words together, very odd for me. 
Well I had my first exam, I'm not sure if I did well I barely have any study time. I know You are probably asking, why am I doing this blog then? First off, I have so much going on in mu head to keep things straight and to even think. Writing a blog, journal anything helps with getting my thoughts out so I can concentrate on important subjects.

I find that when I do this I calm down, and relieve a bit of anxiety, yes I have terrible anxiety and I should be on medication ( but when do i have the time for that kind of help.. ha ha I need a psychologist) 

Still, I'm nervous to say the least, I need to have a B in all my classes to get into Nursing. I have like 10 pre-required courses I have to complete to get in. I know I need a good GPA. I going for a 3.7 GPA so I wont be on the waiting list. ( Really, who has the time to sit around waiting for years).
I may have to put my children in day care if it gets bad, just so I can study. I am doing this for them but I do want to spend time with them of course.
I do not know what to do, its not like I have the money to dish out for daycare. It costs more then I make a week.
Mike and I (my Fiance) have talked about it plenty of times. It goes no where. 
What I learned today was When a female listens, she uses both sides of her brain, But a man only uses the Left side. Not sure what truth comes to that, there was only 1 study done on that topic I guess.

Any how, I'm just to tired half the time to move let alone study. I have hypothyroidism, but that is another story in itself. Obviously I am not on medication for it, again where is the time. 

Well Time for me to sign off. I need to make supper, and then study.. ha ha
Ciao

:::UPDATE::: I failed that first Psych Exam! I passed the Second one with a b+ YAY

Two plus Two Equals Four

I had Math class last night. It is just a basic Math Class. I am terrible with math, as soon as Fractions come into play. I can do Long Division pretty well, as well as the other basic stuff such as Order of operations, roots, exponents, integers and of course adding and subtracting.

We get to Fractions with our next class.

I have been having such anxiety because of the Math. Im not going to lie I am better at it then I was giving myself credit for.
Well I need to keep this short because I need to leave for my Psychology class and I have an exam.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

This is going to be a difficult endeavour...

Well it is only my third week of classes, and the stress is getting to me.. well it already did.
I work part time, and I do love my job but it does get to me. Obviously I am not making enough money, which is where an education comes in.
I am just so tired all of the time, and I rarely have time to study. My children are very young and they need a lot of attention, so it makes it difficult to take time away to study. I am not a single mother I was blessed to have met the man I am with. He is an amazing father, and we own a beautiful house. But we do struggle, and just make it by. My children are not in daycare, so I take care of them when I am not working or in class.

I am Paying for school because I could not get financial aid, I am not married and I did not work in 2009. I went over this with the people with FAFSA and my schools Financial Aid office. But alas, I can not get financial for this semester because I need my parents information even though I am a mother of two. To me, being a stay at home mother is supporting my children 50% or more, which is what they go by. By those standards I am a dependent, but I disagree. Plus, giving my mothers information would not at all help..yea..

They actually told me to write a statement of common law marriage to get financial aid. Now that made me laugh, do I believe in Common law Marriage? Possibly! But I m not going to confuse myself and everyone else. Im confused thinking about it. Ah, I have no clue. But I filed my FAFSA for the 2011-12 school year which wont take effect (if it does) until the fall semester at my school.

Well I am going to end my post there, before I get to carried away after all.